Thursday, February 28, 2008

I Am Only Human

Thank you Willheim for pointing out that psychologists are human beings too.

When it comes to healthcare, we (or at least I) tend to put doctors on a pedestal. There have often been times when my mother has advised me to eat something while I have a fever and I retorted back to her saying, "Doctor has not said anything about eating that!".

Now more and more people are doing that with shrinks. It is not surprising though. When people (especially the first-timers) make that decision to go see a professional for help, its usually after they have tried all else and failed, They then begin to think that only a professional can solve their problems without realizing that they cannot and can only assist people in doing so.

Moreover, people have misconceptions about the things we can do to ourselves!

When I was a victim of identity theft three years ago, and lost a lot of money, I was experiencing rage and sadness. A friend tells me,

"Come on, you have studied psychology so much. Can't you handle yourself?"
Uh no....! I lost some money and feel cheated. Its a hard time!

When I made a mistake about choosing a certain relationship, I was told,

"How come YOU made that mistake of all the people? Surely you knew better!"
Umm...actually not! I do not read people's minds and do not know what their intentions are.

And then my personal favorite (being sarcastic here),

"You counsel so many people. Why can't you counsel yourself?"
Sure! Sounds like a great idea! I will cry one minute on one chair, and then jump onto the other chair and start talking sense with a calm demeanor.

The truth is that when we are in sensitive situations ourselves, no matter what our profession, we are not able to be neutral, nonjudgmental, and clear in our minds. You can read another example of this in an excellent story that Ceedy wrote about a doctor and his family member.

Its funny how people think that because I am a psychologist, I know a lot about teaching, babysitting, nutrition, etc..
So I get asked questions like,

"How can I teach my child to read?"
mmmmm..Maybe ask your child's teacher??

"What kind of a babysitter should I pick for my child?"
Common sense tells me someone you and your child are comfortable with?

"What should I feed my child for better memory?"
My grandmother used to say almonds, so almonds.

The funniest part about all this is that I am not even a child psychologist! But apparently, I am a genius who knows everything about every population. Just like you would go to a gynaecologist if you have kidney stones??

The woe of being a psychologist is that people think you are not entitled to the normal emotions that a human being experience. The truth is, I am a cry baby.




24 comments:

ceedy said...

Cool...thanks for mentioning the story...hope people like it :)

now to sum up your obeservations how about

financial guru, real estate mogul, secretary, arbitrator, dream realizer, investment maverick, GOD in certain situations, pacifier between couples, insurance agent, tax accessor and many many absurd more roles that someone like me is expected to play,

when i thought - i was only an Architect...

only one thing though - If I have to build a house for myself - the contractors are going to have a tough time - not me :)

Anonymous said...

:)
I understand!

willheim said...

oof.

what about transference and projection and money?

i remember early in analysis:

1. resenting the money i was paying! it was more of an issue than anything.

2. wanting to have sex with my therapist and believing that's what she wanted.

3. transference and counter-transference issues all over the place. we are all human. it is hard or impossible to imagine lasting transformation and help without spiritual and emotional relatedness.

what i mean is that you have to have an emotional involvement with your patients to be really effective.

and that leads to real feelings on your end. and your patients.

and i would question the value of psychological aid that was of a strictly empirical nature anyway.

i am not some experiment.

there has to be some gestalt, or catharsis, a breaking down of walls..

those issues went away when i got wealthy and didn't care about the money

and i realized my shrinks were as fucked up as i am.

or that really, they were fallible humans like myself.

ok gonna go workout and take a sauna.

sorry to blabble. i am tired and suffering.

Solitaire said...

@ Ceedy, the traffic to your site is going to increase provided people come to my site to read my post..

Pacifier between couples..that is soooo amusing!!

@ Veens, glad you do!

@ Willheim, you are right! Psychologists can be as fucked up as you are because they have real lives too outside of the therapy room. They have emotions, crises, relationships, and everything that you do. And they might need psychologists themselves. Seems like you have worked with people with a psychoanalytic orientation. I do not adhere to that kind of an analysis with my clients. But I remember my client wanting to have sex with me and addressing the transference issue.

Thanks for coming back. Your comments are insightful!

Neetal said...

Awwee ! Sneha... I sort of understand what you mean... but I guess thats what people are going to think and still keep thinking the same till they get it... And That I hope that they get it soon...

Till then just entertain yourself with such silliness.

And BTW ... Identity theft, I have been a victim of thrice in a year... lost so much... that now I carry only few cash...and only carry card... when I actually intend to shop... guess what... It seems by doing that I also ended up curbing on my whims of shopping.. or buying unwanted things... So I guess that was good thing which came out of being beaten thrice !

Ramaa Iyer said...

I definitely can empathize with you in this.Afterall birds of a feather aren't we?Gud blog you have here.And i absolutely hate it to the core when they ask me'You must know - afterall you are a psychologist' Phewwww

Solitaire said...

@ Neeku, thanks! Even if they do not get it soon, it is still a start.

@ Ramaa, yes we psychologists are antaryaami you know.

Sameera Ansari said...

Hmmm I can really empathize with your woes here.

People expect health care professionals to be extra-efficient multi taskers most of the time.Other than Physiotherapy,people expect me to deal with patients for Speech Therapy,Psychology,Special Education...you name it! :)

Rho Tau GWIS said...

I say just get a good laugh out of these silly situations...and if things get worse, go see a shrink ;)

Keshi said...

I u'stand u r human too. It's just that non-psychologists seem to perceive the psycholigists as some superhumanbeings. It's all psychology all over again :)

Keshi.

Solitaire said...

@ Sameera, you bet!!

@ Carolinagal, that day is quite far..I might have the tolerance for another ten years and then I am done!

@ Keshi, I am a superwoman psychologist.

radiohead said...

well yes ..every person irrespective of d profession are humans .. and when one starts studying to become a doctor he/she doesnt get his emotional quotient wiped off from his head or heart ..

so yes .. docs are humans, and so are psychologists .. and everyone else.

cheers

Sweetstickychewy said...

***I will cry one minute on one chair, and then jump onto the other chair and start talking sense with a calm demeanor.

Reminds me of myself. lol..

Hmm.. Yupz. often people do expect us to be otherwise. The power of your title speaks much.

"We are only humans."

We still falter no matter wat.;)


Cheers!

IncorrigibleV said...

i laughed when i read the silly questions...but then u im sure don't find it amusing!

Solitaire said...

@ anuj, precisely! Did you read Ceedy's story?

@ Sweetstickychewy, yeah! Now because I have a million years of education in one field, I am devoid of any emotions and my life's purpose is to solve other people's problems.

@ Vandita, I do find them amusing maybe after a few days when the irritation subsides.

Pavi!!!! said...

@ Solitare - i completely u'stand wat ur sayin. Its ridiculous when ppl expect one to be as good in solving their own problems as they are in solving other's problems. I can most often give gr8 pep-talks to friends in trouble(thats wat my friends tells me)but can never talk myself out of trouble when I am down/low. n that I feel is human!

BTW my psychiatrist friend told me that once in a while they were reqd to visit a psychiatrist 'emsleves..coz listening to all the problems would definetly have some kind of impact on 'em how much ever they are trained. Is that true for ur profession too?

Cinderella said...

I am a religious believer in the Doc.
I can never rely on people's random suggestions on various medicines.
"Accha ? yeh problem hai ? Tu yeh try kar. Works for me."
"Arre, that capsule is crap. Gives you *blah blah*. You take this,"
"Arre bacche ko itna steriod kyun de rahe ho, doctor medicine batane ke ilawa kya jaanta hai ? band kar di"

WTF !!!
I'll do exactly as the doc tells me to baba. So, thnx but no thnx for your kind advise.
(Better yet, DONOT advise moron!!)

And about ppl thinking, psychologists know everything and so they never will have a problem. Ah..! Thats something you guys will never be able to evade.

I tease my di saying, tu itne pagalo ko dekhti hai, ek din tu khud sadak par ghoom rahi hogi wierd wierd faces bana kar.And i go on to act and give her a graphic explanation...lol !!

She so gets piqued at this..

So chill babe !

Sunil Kosuru said...

Hi, yup people do forget tht all are humans, i have seen ppl saying how did tht doctor died of a cancer.
I guess i landed up in the right blog to find a solution for my experience.
I have posted a blog called last night
i am getting comments saying most of them faced the same thing.
I think a professional Psychologist can give a soln..
Plz read my post
http://sunnyrajuspeaks.blogspot.com
this is not all to increase traffic to my blog

gypsy said...

well explained yet ironic but honest!!!!

Solitaire said...

@ Pavi, it surely is recommended and will not be looked down upon. Now laymen might think, "how can we go to someone for help when they themselves need help!"

@ Cinderella, so true! Those professionals have gone through years of education. I am sure they know much better than us!
I pity your sister!
But its so much fun to hear from you since you have seen all this first-hand too!

Sunil Kosuru said...

Hey thnx for dropping in, but thts not the experience i went thro, i never feel detached from the world, any ways thnx for ur feed back. but most of them have gone thro tht, if u had read those comments.

Unknown said...

Hmm that is true though...actually psychologists are more susceptible to being affected by what they see around them...and people think the counsellors know all the answers to all the question which needn't necessarily be true.

Sam said...

lolzzz.... ur emind me of teh way i've seen ppl react to psychologists and doctors... in fact, i too have faced similar comments... now i wonder why???

mohak mehta said...

tht comment abt placing doctors on the pedestals surely alleviated my mood u know... :) !!

a very nice post...
just read all the previous posts at a single go as well !!

i agree with one of the comments made by a previous post-er , "u shd write a book" !:) !!