"Don't you go crazy listening to people's problems all day long?"
I get this question all the time.
In the beginning, my answer was yes. I constantly worried about my clients after I had gone home. And I would constantly dread seeing them again because I was sure that my mind would shut down the moment they started talking about their abusive husband, spoilt children, unfair teachers, disloyal friend, and their singlehood. That was the beginning.
Gradually, I learned how to zone them out the moment they stepped out of the office. In fact, I also used to tell my friend jokingly, "I work in a factory!" because I felt like I was producing a new item every hour, one after the other, relentlessly, without any breaks, as clients walked in on time and stepped out exactly 5o minutes later, giving me enough time to write up a progress note and briefly glance over the next person's file.
The problem begins when I drag myself home exhausted and then start getting calls, "I need to talk to you urgently. I had a fight with my boyfriend." or an offliner on yahoo saying, ":( I need free therapy", or worse still, a long email which can be made into a book chapter about how heartbroken my friend is. These are the things that I have not learned to zone out from. Because no matter what, there are more emotions attached when a loved one or a friend is in distress. But when these distresses clearly become a figment of their imagination because free psychotherapy is easily available (long after the problem has been resolved), my emotions change from genuine concern to nonchalance, and ultimately, annoyance.
So how do I do it all day long? The 9 am to 5 pm is the easiest part. It is the rest of the day that becomes challenging. After all, who likes working overtime without being paid or without any appreciation or without getting a break?
P.S: Now I know why I should not call a doctor friend after hours if something can wait until next morning.
And now I understand why my uncle who worked as an engineer in the electricity company hated getting complaints in the middle of the night.
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27 comments:
Nice in brand placement.. :) where did u see psy...in my post anyways?!
oh..in response to ur post..shrinks (easier to type) are doctors ...ppl go to u as u give them undivided attention which they dont get from anyone else..i think..?
Hmm..is a point being made to everyone? A hint being given coz u feel uncomfotable tellin ppl directly to their face?
Have more comments on this..will be back.
totally get what u mean...actually not totally but i do understand a bit.
PS: have u turned rss off? i dont get notified of updates anymore :-/
@ Raghav, could be. Also they want someone neutral and nonjudgmental, I guess. Not someone who will get tired of them saying the same things over and over again and finally say, "Snap out of it!"
@ Pavi, Naah! Do not need to make a point to anyone about this. Anyway, the people who come to me on a daily basis are not even on blogosphere. If I feel that I have it in me to help someone in a way that no one in their world can, then I am not going to deny them "my free services". It is those who take it for granted that exhaust me.
@ Vandita, Did I have it turned on at some point? Sorry, me not very techno-savvy.
Oh..that must be tough..
btw..Can I have a session with u...
I am al capped up these days..n bored...
I shall pay by hours!:)
he he
@ Standbymind, oh sure! But there is a long queue ahead of you. Do you mind waiting? Oh..and I charge 100 bucks a comment.
Hi....
which one do u choose to tell ... "tell ur opinion straightly at face " or console them.
which one do u think is better ..dont tell " depends on ****" .. relatively which is better ???
From your after 5 schedule, it appears that there are a lot of people who are not ashame to seek help from a psychologist. Did that reflect in your survey last week?
@ Avinash, who is the THEM that you are talking about? In any case, if there is a genuine problem, then I will help "them" through it. Consolation is not the right word because sometimes that is not what they are looking for. And if there is no genuine problem, then I also help them see things in a different light so that they do not perceive it as a problem anymore.
@ Cosmic, good point. No it did not. Nor did the response which talks about seeing someone only if you know them personally get many clicks. I think people are not realizing that they subconsciously are seeking out my help. But then these people are also not the readers of this blog. I do not know how valid the sampling is.
The flip side of being a professional...
@ Ceedy, right! This is a whiny blog anyway. :)
I need a session with ya..to destress :)
Keshi.
Somehow i got to agree with ya on the post.
there are times work is stressful enough and i just look forward for a chill out, let-your-hair-down night only to be surprised with a personal "aunt-aggy" moment with a mate who needs to be heard.
Hmmm.:) Gets challenging when my day already is challenging enough. hahaha.:P
dont you think that your friends and loved ones would ask you for advice and any kind of emotional help disregarding of what you are professionally?
oh well... trust me we all are in similar boats!!
i simply hate gng anywer near a pc after office hrs... similarly too much of problem talking from people on a regular basis does drive me up the wall at times.. and yet, one has to do it, for they are "the loved ones" :|
@ Keshi, sure thing! One session free and then I charge big bucks! :)
Maybe will give you a discount since I like you soooo much.
@ Sweetstickychewy, craziness isn't it? What do you do professionally?
@ Lena, yes they would. But I also think that their expectations of the duration and intensity of these "free sessions" would be different had I not been a psychologist. Also, not all of these are friends. Some are acquaintances. Its pretty easy to figure out who is playing "client" and who is "friend".
@ Sam, oh man!! I can so totally relate to that. Thank you for pointing that out! I will be careful not to call someone in your profession when my computer shuts down without reason (which I tend to do sometimes..hehehhe!!). I should practice what I preach.
I guess it would be the same with any profession...chefs probably don't like to cook meals at home, professional singers might not like to be the wedding singer at a cousin's wedding, and so on.
We all just need a neat separation between "work" and "non-work" stuff.
This is v interesting :)
I will be back!
I am blogrolling u :) ok?
You strike me as a bit unworldly for a psychologist.
Putting DSM-IV in your sidebar and labelling it: 'A Psychologist's Bible' EXCLAMATION MARK.
Melanie Klein would be wincing in her grave, though possibly not rolling.
@ Aneri, yeah true!! I always have wondered how chefs have felt about cooking at home.
@ La Vida Loca, welcome! Sure thing! Thanks!
@ Prozacville, there are several definitions of unworldly in the dictionary. I will prefer to go with "spiritual minded" in this case and be happy about you calling me that. BTW, this is a whiny blog in case you did not notice. I am human too and I need my space to vent too. And as for Melanie Klein, she might as well wince or roll or dance. Do not care much for psychoanalysis.
But it cares for you.
Regards.
ummm... whatever you do.. just don't call me!! :P
on teh other hand... i'm always the helpful jack... old habits die hard... :)
really all i can say to this is relative to my own work as a film and television composer.
i deal with the entitled, elite, arrogant and ignorant on a daily basis. i love what i do and am grateful to have been able to sustain a very lucrative career at it for almost 20 years.
equally sustaining has been the abuse i have to suffer on almost every job. i pour my heart and soul into artistic creations that are dismissed without so much as a thought of my own feelings "that's a piece of shit" "that is horrible, it sounds really tired. you were really tired when you wrote that were't you"
"I hate those french horns, I say "Well, there aren't any french horns in the piece"they say "don't get defensive, i don't care what they are, I hate them"
And my clients always think they are the only person in the world that i am working for. they think nothing of my schedule, what other obligations I might have as a human in the world.
It is so hard not to be resentful, but if I am they will never call me again and it will prove to be a career limiting move. and i believe feeling resentment is a sign of a sickness in my soul.
if you love being a therapist, and i sense you do, you must know that you can never control what people will say or do or think, all one can do is control ones' reaction to it and not take it personally.
i always try to be kind, to realize that I am the one doing what i love, that the interpretation of what i do is very subjective, and that the fluster and buster of all these aaa personalities is just that.
it keeps me humble. it keeps me employed. it helps me grow.
the people are as challenging and informing as the work.
Solitaire, I guess this comes with the package called doctor of all kinds..
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