Sunday, June 1, 2008

I am human!

I think that it is a very normal human tendency to hold on to to the bad and forget the good. Things learned at an earlier age are retained much better than those at an older age. I had written a post on how psychologists are human too and now choose to repost it with a few edits because of a few incidences that occurred in the past few days. Just a gentle reminder to everyone of how I am just like non-psychologists, with the same kind of brain, emotion centers, desires, feelings etc and a reminder to me to not be too hard on myself to be someone who I am not born as, even if people think my profession should make me that way. Know what I mean?

Yes, psychologists are human beings too.When it comes to healthcare, I tend to put doctors on a pedestal. There have often been times when my mother has advised me to eat something while I have a fever and I retorted back to her saying, "Doctor has not said anything about eating that!" Now more and more people are doing that with shrinks. It is not surprising though. When people (especially the first-timers) make that decision to go see a professional for help, its usually after they have tried all else and failed, They then begin to think that only a professional can solve their problems without realizing that we can only assist people in doing so and that those changes need to come from within.

Moreover, people have misconceptions about the things we can do to ourselves! When I was a victim of identity theft three years ago, and lost a lot of money, I was experiencing rage and sadness.

A friend tells me,
"Come on, you have studied psychology so much. Can't you handle yourself?
"Uh no....! I lost some money and feel cheated. Its a hard time!

When I made a mistake about choosing a certain relationship, I was told,
"How come YOU made that mistake of all the people? Surely you knew better!"
Umm...actually not! I do NOT read people's minds and do not know what their intentions are.

And then my personal favorite,
"You counsel so many people. Why can't you counsel yourself?"
Sure! Sounds like a great idea! I will cry one minute on one chair, and then jump onto the other chair and start talking sense with a calm demeanor.

The truth is that when we are in sensitive situations ourselves, no matter what our profession, we are not able to be neutral, nonjudgmental, and clear in our minds. In a fight, if you want me to take sides, I may not be able to do it. I am trained to be empathic to all parties involved. Do you know how hard it is to be that way? Very, very hard!! That's exactly how we do couples counseling too! BLAH! But yeah...if you want to fight with ME, I will not be empathic with you at all!! I am Solitaire then, not a psychologist!

Its funny how people think that because I am a psychologist, I know a lot about teaching, babysitting, nutrition, etc..So I get asked questions like,

"How can I teach my child to read?"
Mmmmm..Maybe ask your child's teacher??

"What kind of a babysitter should I pick for my child?"
Common sense tells me someone you and your child are comfortable with?

"What should I feed my child for better memory?"
My grandmother used to say almonds, so almonds.

The funniest part about all this is that I am not even a child psychologist! But apparently, I am a genius who knows everything about every population. Just like you would go to a gynaecologist if you have a fracture??

The woe of being a psychologist is that people think you are not entitled to the normal emotions that a human being experience. I just got told a few days back by a guy that he was interested in me because I am a psychologist. Reason: His ex-girlfriend was depressed and he could not handle it. This time he wants someone who will never be depressed.

:-s

54 comments:

Pavi!!!! said...

OMG! tht was the way a guy chose to propose to u! was he nuts or wot????

I used to have this thing about psychologists/psychiatrists reading minds/people...but i no more think that.

its unfair to u guys!

Am In Trance said...

Yea..
Its so natural.. isn't it..!!!

**A Doctor can't operate himself..
**A Barber can't cut his own hair..

"We need others as others need us"..
Simple n' plain...

TakeCare Dear..

..... said...

:)

Solitaire said...

@ Pavi,

Haha! It was not exactly a proposal but I think more of a hint. You know how guys these days have become very shaana!

Thanks for understanding.

Solitaire said...

@ Am in Trance,

Thank you! Wonderful analogies!

Solitaire said...

@ Amrit,

:(

g-man said...

yea, everyone needs some sort of way to get rid of stuff that's bothering them. it kinda doesn't matter if the whole world thinks you're the calmest most stable person alive, you still need your time...i've always wondered who psychologists and psychiatrists go to when they're in trouble. its unfair, yea. sorry you have to deal with that shit

Solitaire said...

@ G-man,

Don't worry about it! Happens all the time. Need to get used to it more than I have.

Psychologists/psychiatrists also go to other psychologists/psychiatrists. It is very normal to do so. In fact, it is encouraged to prevent burnout.

Keshi said...

Straight from the heart! Loved it.

Profession is one thing..but when it comes to personal life, yes we r all HUMAN.

*HUGZ*

Keshi.

Sam said...

ok... i totally relate to this one!!!!! have been in teh same soup before... argh!!! drives the sanity out of the heart!!

Pranay said...

That last guy thing was seriously funny!!!
But coming to the point..I know what you are saying dear, It sometimes scares me when people think of you as someone who knows everything and can never be wrong. It is especially scary when you are just learning and you don't know anything.
Unless a doctor is superspecialised into one part of the body, 'He knows everything about everyone' is the belief.
But then there are times when you do feel glad that you are bestowed upon so much respect and looked up to without doing anything really!!
I guess you just can't help it. I can imagine what being a psychologist must be 'The Master of the Mind'...hehe.
The comment got a bit too long...sorry couldn't control myself...still have lots of things...but maybe later...:).

ceedy said...

your emoticon at the end of this post...says it all....


I remember this post from when you had referenced the story...

does this happen to you....you are a strnager to a point when someone needs help...and then suddenly you become god...

broca's area said...

absolutely right 100%!!!!...people think that we medical people know everything and can tc of ourselves.....even while eating something they say some neg things abt it and expect us to listen to them...

La vida Loca said...

heheheh
i know what u mean..someone wanted my advise on some eye problems!

Hiren said...

this ones surely a new one .... propose to a psychologist as she would not get depressed ... :) lol

@ ur patrons asking you questions abt their child etc; i think its just that people get over-awed by our professional status at times ... and expect to get answers to all their quandaries .... but I feel that even if you give them pointers to a correct source of information or even a generic advice they would very much appreciate the same ....

@ personal remarks of you being a psychologist and so you should be this and that etc etc .... this one surely must be getting on your nerves sometimes …. I guess there’s no escape from this; you will find people around you considering you as a super human :(

At the end of the day we all are human beings ..doesn’t matter if one is the president of the country or a army general or a well acclaimed heart surgeon ...

Coco said...

NEVER be your boyfriend's therapist!!

ok...now that i've said that.

as a student in psychiatry (right?), don't you also have to be in "therapy"?

*GO to MY BLOGROLL...
visit SPO-Reflections
he too is a psychiatrist : )

it's my ME Day... : )

Nishant said...

Poor you,pick them up and throw them into the bin(as my mom says it, easier said than done) .Take care..

P said...

what was your answer to that guy?? :D

You are so correct for being annoyed by such questions..specially the counseling yourself one..even doctors like surgeons do not treat their loved ones unless they have to.

Nirmal said...

ohhh thats very sad sol.....

well i cant speak much bout this profession..coz i m really confused bout ur profession....
leave it..

well cant blame the guy proposed u.......evryman do want to repeat the same mistakes again...he needs better everytime....now that is HUMAN TENDENCY..

mohak mehta said...

the last para was a lil pathetic u know...
guy who wants some1 who wd nevr be depressed also wants some1 who can never be elated...

Pri said...

well my journey in the world of psychiatry starts from tomorrow...
and after reading your woes as a psychologist,i dread to think what will be expected of me on a personal level as a psychiatrist?? :-/
i think il'l carry a "im human too" placard with me wherever i go...maybe one with a neon light :D

Mansi Trivedi said...

Take that as a compliment...
but seriously,
Do you think I should snore in my sleep?
just kidding ;)

..... said...

update :)

Anonymous said...

Matters of the heart come with so many hidden rules, Tho I have not really gotten into the Real Psych training classes yet, I know that shrinks need help also!!

Just because we are there to help, does not mean we don't have problems and need help also every once and awhile!!

Even tho I am late coming by, I want to say this is an awesome post! I am learning from you Sol!

Ne.

humbl devil said...

who was that guy...unke charan choone padenge...hehehe

whatever a person is, still they should be entitled to their own emotions and feelings...tht's wot i believe...

Shruti said...

hey Sol.. ever since this blog became viewable to only invited readers, my google reader and blogroll stopped notifying about updates here :(

Pavi!!!! said...

no updates Dr Sneha?? Now i'm guessin u'll have more woes??

Solitaire said...

@ Pavi,

Just updated!! Yes lots of woes! :)

Solitaire said...

@ Shruti,

Sorry!! Was busy living a woeful life. :)

Solitaire said...

@ Humble,

Thanks!! That guy has found a non-psychologist now! I only pray she is not depressed.

Solitaire said...

@ Cinder,

You are most welcome!!

Solitaire said...

@ Amrit,

Were you asking me to update?
I just did!

Solitaire said...

@ Mansi,

:(
You too?

Solitaire said...

@ Pri,

How's your path on the way to becoming a psychiatrist?

Solitaire said...

@ Rahul,

?

Solitaire said...

@ Mohak,

That guy has had several breakups in the past. I wonder if he causes his gfs to be depressed with such an attitude!!

Solitaire said...

@ Nirmal,

Chhe! Depressed does not mean bad you know! Anyone could be depressed..that does not make them bad. It could be you or me too!

Solitaire said...

@ P,

I did not say anything to him. Did not give him too much bhaav to begin with. He found someone else.

Solitaire said...

@ Nishant,

If I throw these whackos in the bin, then who will I treat?

Solitaire said...

@ Coco,

No we don't HAVE to be in therapy unless we are going to a psychoanalysis school. Most people consider that an old school of thought now.

Solitaire said...

@ Hiren,


***but I feel that even if you give them pointers to a correct source of information or even a generic advice they would very much appreciate the same ....

And where would I know that from? I am not a parent nor do I know resources about parenting.


Thanks for realizing that I am a human.

Solitaire said...

@ La Vida,

Hahaha!!! What did you say?

Solitaire said...

@ Broca,

OMG! You are so right!

Solitaire said...

@ Ceedy,

I know of strangers who ask me for help, and when I help them, they fall in love with me.

Solitaire said...

@ Pranay,

***It is especially scary when you are just learning and you don't know anything.

I would not say I do not know ANYTHING!! Its not as scary as it is frustrating.

***But then there are times when you do feel glad that you are bestowed upon so much respect and looked up to without doing anything really!!

I wish that they realized that I am a fun-loving girl first and then a psychologist.

Solitaire said...

@ Sam,

thank! I feel better knowing I am not alone.

Solitaire said...

Thanks Keshi!

ceedy said...

@solitaire,

Maybe you are reading too much in these strangers overtly appreciating you for your help...it does not necessarily translate into love

and I think instead of being woeful...you should consider yourself lucky that people do like you...but professionally I think its completly your call...

Solitaire said...

@ ceedy,

Maybe you are assuming that I am 'reading' into their behaviors and appreciation rather than being told directly. Why ?

ceedy said...

Thats why I used to word "Maybe"...and did not say 'You are" - isnt it better to assume something - which could be right or wrong - rather than being authoratative and falling flat on the face...

Solitaire said...

@ Ceedy,

When you put it that way, yes assuming is better but truly you have heard...assumption is the mother of all fuck-ups.

Your assumption made me think that you are being judgmental of me.

ceedy said...

Nah common....how can I be judgemental...on what basis?

It was a conjecture that you rightfully diminished...thats it...

Glad you brought it out that you felt it - or else your assumption of me being judgemental could also mean a fuck-up

Anonymous said...

How self centered!

IncorrigibleV said...

i cant imagine sayin that to u directly...