The Woes Of A Psychology Student

OCD

2008-09-29T07:31:00.001-07:00

I have heard a lot of people say that they have OCD because they clean too much.

Can you give me some examples of OCD like behavior that you have experienced or witnessed?

P.S: OCD=Obsessive Compulsive Disorder

My office

2008-08-30T23:52:00.000-07:00

One of the many PLEASURES of being a psychologist is that you always get your own office!!! And you can decorate it any way you want it! I don't have a great knack of decorating but I wanted to personalize the space and make it as comfortable and warm as I could for my clients. So far, they all like it.

What do you think of the "client corner" of my office?

Personality Disorders-II

2008-07-27T16:20:00.000-07:00

Here comes yet another one in the DRAMATIC cluster of personality disorders. This one is called NARCISSISTIC Personality Disorder. As you can guess from the name, a person suffering from this disorder has a deep sense of love for oneself. This love is so powerful that it becomes a source of distress for the others, and hence pathological.

I know of one acquaintance who has this disorder. He is male and therefore, I will use the pronoun "him" in this post. However, both men and women both can suffer from this one.

Ready?

Do you know of someone who has an exaggerated sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)?

We all are proud of our achievements and talk about them to some extent but someone with NPD will continue to do so for days, months, and years together, even when there is an absence of accomplishments, pretending that he is a hero and no one else exists.

Do you know of someone who is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love?

Someone with NPD will live in their own world where they live a glorified life and when confronted with reality, will react with anger and justifications. It wont be surprising to realize that a lot of their narrated stories are fake.

Do you know of someone who believes he is "special" and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)?

He with NPD will believe those beneath him to be average (since he is so superior). And those average are close to being worthless. To interact with those average people will be below his dignity.

Do you know of someone who requires excessive admiration?

He with NPD will want praise and compliments all the time. If people are jealous of him, that will give him pleasure. And if people disagree with him, then they are inferior and "stupid". They want to be told that whatever they do is the best. They do not care if its sincere or not, the amount matters.

Do you know of someone who has a sense of entitlement?

Those with NPD will believe that the world has to revolve around them and stop at their convenience. People should comply to their wishes whatever it may be and when these expectations are not met, they react with rage.

Do you know of someone who selfishly takes advantage of others to achieve his own ends?

Those with NPD will not care if they are hurting someone or using them to fulfill whatever they themselves want to achieve. Therefore, they are not able to have any deep relationships.

Do you know of someone who lacks empathy?

Those with NPD will not be able to step into someone else's shoes to understand the problem that they are going through. They will only be preoccupied with their own issues and have no concern for others' distress.

Do you know of someone who is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him?

If someone with NPD discovers someone else who he perceives to be better liked, appreciated, or talented, he will be very envious of the person. He also believes that those "inferior" to him are jealous of him and therefore do not talk to him.

Do you know of someone who shows arrogant, haughty, patronizing, or contemptuous behaviors or attitudes?

Basically, someone with NPD will be extremely proud, arrogant, boastful, and treat others like dirt.

So there!! You are now educated on this disorder. Remember not to confuse high self-esteem with NPD. Someone with high self-esteem will not necessarily think that he is superior to others. But someone with NPD will. Moreover,underneath all this grandiosity that the NPD person displays, ies a very fragile self-esteem. They have trouble handling criticism and may secretly be ashamed when that happens. Therefore, in order to make themselves feel better, they try to belittle others!

As with all other personality disorders, the person suffering from it, may be in DENIAL and react with anger when suggested that they might have it. But if you feel like someone has this disorder and you want to help them, see if you can get them to see a professional! Good luck!

Remember: This was NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER.

Personality Disorders-I

2008-07-22T21:48:00.001-07:00

Since most of you voted to know more about personality disorders that are in the "DRAMATIC" cluster, I am going to start off with one of those.

Let's see if you can think of anyone in your life as I rattle of what a HISTRIONIC PERSONALITY DISORDERED person is like. Since most people diagnosed with this disorder are female, I will use the pronoun "her" in this post

Ready?

Do you know of anyone who is preoccupied with her looks?

Yes, I know that most of us are concerned. But she will be PREOCCUPIED. Not only that, she will dress provocatively, expose herself, give you seductive looks, and be flirtatious. Yes, sex will often be on her mind.

Do you know of anyone who is uncomfortable unless she is in the center of attention?

Yes, she will act very dramatically as though performing before an audience with exaggerated emotions and expressions, yet appears to lack sincerity. In parties, she will tend to be loud and excited, and will love having her own pictures taken.

Do you know of someone who does not have many friends? Or is constantly getting into fights with the ones she has?

Yes, since she is very needy, and not everyone can constantly give her that assurance, she may skip from one friend to another. She may not be able to form deep relationships and people may gradually notice that she is shallow and immature. She may appear to be self-centered. They often times believe that others have bad intentions towards them.

Do you know of someone who is easily frustrated and impulsive?

She may be easily bored with the same routine, constantly seek excitement, and may begin projects but not be able to finish them. She may make rash decisions and speak or act without thinking.

Do you know of someone who is extremely moody? And needy?

Yes, she will shift emotions rapidly. She may be happy and cheerful one moment, and the moment she is criticized or disapproved of, she will become extremely agitated. She may be very sensitive to everyone's approval and will need constant reassurance that she is liked!! Worst of all, if she does not get the desired attention, she may threaten suicide!

If you know of someone like this, you may also realize that she (or he) may be highly successful socially as well as professionally. They do not lack social skills and tend to glorify their disappointments and failures to seek attention. However, this disorder does interfere with their happiness, often leading to depression. They also have difficulty with successful romantic relationships and friendships, and blame others for their failures!!

Personality disorders begin in early adulthood and gradually become worse with age. It is hard to treat these individuals but not impossible!! If you know of anyone with the above symptoms and feel like you can influence them to go seek help, please do so!!

Feel free to ask me more questions if you want to.

Remember: This was HISTRIONIC PERSONALITY DISORDER!

Friendship Woes

2008-07-15T20:24:00.000-07:00

Have you heard pretty women saying that they are not sure if men want to be their friends because they truly care for them or whether its because they look good and want to hit on them?Have you heard rich men saying that they are not sure if a woman wants to be friends with them because they truly care for them or whether it because they are rich and see them as gold-mines?

Recently, I have begun to experience similar woes...no not because of beauty or money...but because of my profession!

The many woes as a psychologist friend are that:

I will get calls in the middle of the night demanding an interpretation of a weird dream that someone just had but when I have a nightmare and need someone to talk to, people are asleep and unavailable.

I will get pinged in the middle of dinner that my friend needs ideas on how to resolve a fight that she has been having with her husband for a week but when I am lonely on a weekend and need a few minutes of chit-chat, she will be busy utilizing those ideas that I gave her and be unavailable.

I will get text messages from my friend on how to tackle her roommates when they give her a hard time but when I call her to complain about mine, she will be unable to share any words of wisdom because she now lives with her boyfriend and does not want anything to do with roommate talk.

I will get random emails from long-lost friends about resolving a family conflict amongst family members that I have not only not met but never heard about in my entire life but will not get invited for these long-lost friends' weddings.

I truly believe that either we psychologists are born with, or along the way create, a separate area in our brain that is triggered when anyone asks for help. No matter how much I do not like someone or have something else to take care of, I just cannot happen to say no. I wonder if people take undue advantage of that or whether they use their "contacts" to the maximum or whether they have "expectations" that a psychologist friend is there always to help them. I wonder if these "friends" of mine are my friends because I am a psychologist or because I am ME.

In any case, I have realized that there is no point keeping expectations from anyone, no matter what their gender, status, or profession. You can read more about it here.

Sometimes, I wish that I could pretend to be someone else or have an alternate profession just like Saif Ali Khan does in Salaam Namaste. Maybe next time, when a new friend asks me what I do, I will tell him or her that I am a bagger/cashier at the grocery store.

I am human!

2008-06-01T11:45:00.001-07:00

I think that it is a very normal human tendency to hold on to to the bad and forget the good. Things learned at an earlier age are retained much better than those at an older age. I had written a post on how psychologists are human too and now choose to repost it with a few edits because of a few incidences that occurred in the past few days. Just a gentle reminder to everyone of how I am just like non-psychologists, with the same kind of brain, emotion centers, desires, feelings etc and a reminder to me to not be too hard on myself to be someone who I am not born as, even if people think my profession should make me that way. Know what I mean?

Yes, psychologists are human beings too.When it comes to healthcare, I tend to put doctors on a pedestal. There have often been times when my mother has advised me to eat something while I have a fever and I retorted back to her saying, "Doctor has not said anything about eating that!" Now more and more people are doing that with shrinks. It is not surprising though. When people (especially the first-timers) make that decision to go see a professional for help, its usually after they have tried all else and failed, They then begin to think that only a professional can solve their problems without realizing that we can only assist people in doing so and that those changes need to come from within.

Moreover, people have misconceptions about the things we can do to ourselves! When I was a victim of identity theft three years ago, and lost a lot of money, I was experiencing rage and sadness.

A friend tells me,
"Come on, you have studied psychology so much. Can't you handle yourself?
"Uh no....! I lost some money and feel cheated. Its a hard time!

When I made a mistake about choosing a certain relationship, I was told,
"How come YOU made that mistake of all the people? Surely you knew better!"
Umm...actually not! I do NOT read people's minds and do not know what their intentions are.

And then my personal favorite,
"You counsel so many people. Why can't you counsel yourself?"
Sure! Sounds like a great idea! I will cry one minute on one chair, and then jump onto the other chair and start talking sense with a calm demeanor.

The truth is that when we are in sensitive situations ourselves, no matter what our profession, we are not able to be neutral, nonjudgmental, and clear in our minds. In a fight, if you want me to take sides, I may not be able to do it. I am trained to be empathic to all parties involved. Do you know how hard it is to be that way? Very, very hard!! That's exactly how we do couples counseling too! BLAH! But yeah...if you want to fight with ME, I will not be empathic with you at all!! I am Solitaire then, not a psychologist!

Its funny how people think that because I am a psychologist, I know a lot about teaching, babysitting, nutrition, etc..So I get asked questions like,

"How can I teach my child to read?"
Mmmmm..Maybe ask your child's teacher??

"What kind of a babysitter should I pick for my child?"
Common sense tells me someone you and your child are comfortable with?

"What should I feed my child for better memory?"
My grandmother used to say almonds, so almonds.

The funniest part about all this is that I am not even a child psychologist! But apparently, I am a genius who knows everything about every population. Just like you would go to a gynaecologist if you have a fracture??

The woe of being a psychologist is that people think you are not entitled to the normal emotions that a human being experience. I just got told a few days back by a guy that he was interested in me because I am a psychologist. Reason: His ex-girlfriend was depressed and he could not handle it. This time he wants someone who will never be depressed.

:-s

U, me, aur nonsense!!

2008-05-23T19:45:00.000-07:00

No offense to those who liked the mush of the much raved You, Me Aur Hum. But in my opinion, it is a very BAD movie, portraying all sorts of wrong information, and misguiding laypersons. UGGH!!

So what is this movie about? Alzheimer's disease? GREAT!
Wonderful concept. Novel. Educational. Informative. Different. Blah Blah.

Did you know that the average life span of someone diagnosed with Alzheimer's is 8-10 years after diagnosis? Going by the average, Kajol should have been dead at 38 considering she was diagnosed at 28.Yeah yeah, FEW people do survive for another 20 years. Do you know what state they are in by that time? A mere VEGETABLE, unable to function on their own, let alone wear pearls on a cruise and blush to the memories of their young adulthood.

Alzheimer's is a progressive disease. What does that mean? It means it gets WORSE as time passes by. That means that Kajol should technically be wearing diapers, be fed with a spoon, and be carried around on the cruise!!!

There is no cure for Alzheimer's. So I wonder what the doctor at the nursing home wanted to do with her? Medication only slows the process down, does not get rid of it!

Alzheimer's has several stages. What you see in the movie is Stage One. Apparently, she remains in stage one for 25 years!! AMAZING! Miracle, blessings, hallucinations, or true love? Only Bollywood can answer that question.

Oh and did I mention that most people get diagnosed with Alzheimer's in their 50s and 60s? Yeah yeah. The doctor mentioned that Kajol is a RARE case. Did you know that the youngest person to be ever diagnosed with Alzheimer's was in their 30's and had Down's Syndrome (a form of mental retardation). All early diagnoses of Alzheimer's are due to this particular syndrome. Did Kajol look retarded to you in any way, shape or form?

So now my dear friends, please do rave about the movie's songs, acting, costumes, dialogues, dances, scripts..whatever! But please do NOT RAVE about its wonderful story and please do not definitely BELIEVE any of it!!

For more information on Alzheimer's disease, please look here.

FYI, research studies have shown that turmeric can prevent Alzheimer's disease and that's why a very low percentage of Indians suffer from it compared to the rest of the world.

Wooo Hooo!!

Story Time!

2008-05-13T12:01:00.001-07:00

Before I write my next post, I urge you all to read my story "The Stranger" on Calm Frenzies.

And then, I will reveal to you how what you might have learned from a very recent Hindi Movie is VERY INACCURATE!

Depression or Sadness?

2008-05-07T22:24:00.000-07:00

Did you read Keshi's post about depression and suicide?
Here is a chance to learn about it from the professional point of view.

So many of us very randomly describe ourselves as "depressed", describe someone as "having depression", or even ignore the fact that we could be clinical depressed! How can we find out if we are exaggerating or minimizing our own or a loved one's condition?

Here is the criteria that we use to assess for the diagnosis of depression in someone.

See if you meet the criteria, and if you don't you are NOT depressed. Maybe sad, maybe trying to adjust to a life shift, maybe overwhelmed but NOT depressed.

Do you:

Have five (or more) of the following symptoms have been present during the same 2-week period and represent a change from previous functioning; at least one of the symptoms is either (1) depressed mood or (2) loss of interest or pleasure?

(1) depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, as indicated by either subjective report (e.g., feels sad or empty) or observation made by others (e.g., appears tearful).

(2) markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day (as indicated by either subjective account or observation made by others)

(3) significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain (e.g., a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month), or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day.

(4) insomnia or hypersomnia nearly every day

(5) psychomotor agitation or retardation nearly every day (observable by others, not merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down)

(6) fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day

(7) feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt (which may be delusional) nearly every day (not merely self-reproach or guilt about being sick)

(8) diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day (either by subjective account or as observed by others)

(9) recurrent thoughts of death (not just fear of dying), recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide

B. The symptoms do not meet criteria for a Mixed Episode.

(IGNORE THIS ONE)

C. The symptoms cause clinically significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

(THIS IS PARTICULARLY IMPORTANT!! IF YOU ARE "DEPRESSED" BUT ABLE TO FUNCTION WELL IN YOUR DAILY LIFE, IT IS NOT CLINICALLY SIGNIFICANT!)

D. The symptoms are not due to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g., a drug of abuse, a medication) or a general medical condition (e.g., hypothyroidism).

( YOU SHOULD NOT BE FEELING THIS WAY BECAUSE OF A CERTAIN SIDE EFFECT OF A MEDICATION OR ANOTHER MEDICAL CONDITION. IT HAS TO BE PURELY PSYCHOLOGICAL.)

E. The symptoms are not better accounted for by Bereavement, i.e., after the loss of a loved one, the symptoms persist for longer than 2 months or are characterized by marked functional impairment, morbid preoccupation with worthlessness, suicidal ideation, psychotic symptoms, or psychomotor retardation.

(IF YOU ARE UPSET AFTER THE LOSS OF A RELATIONSHIP, EITHER THROUGH BREAK UP OR DEATH, YOU ARE NOT DEPRESSED. HOWEVER, IF THE SADNESS PERSISTS BEYOND 2 MONTHS, ALONG WITH THE SYMPTOMS MENTIONED ABOVE, THEN YOU QUALIFY FOR DEPRESSION)

Depression is very common. It can happen to all of us. Caste, age, sex, religion, skin color, nationality, skin color, no bar!!

Depression is not incurable. It is one of the easiest to cure if you get the required help at the right time. NO! You do not have to be on antidepressants, if that bothers you. NO! You do not have to be in psychotherapy all your life. Some cases are resolved in less than 4 sessions! And YES! You can make some life changes to prevent a relapse!

Did you know that women are more prone to depression than men?Did you know that children and adolescents also suffer from depression? Did you know that many people can hide these symptoms very well? Did you know that depressed people often feel suicidal but have no energy to execute the plan?

Depression is nothing to be ashamed of. We all live life. We all encounter horrors. Deaths, job losses, breakups, health issues, loneliness, low self-esteem, yada yada yada! We all know its not easy. Sometimes, when everything happens all at once, we are overwhelmed. Our body gets into a panic mode. And presto!! Your brain begins to release all those not so nice neurotransmitters that cannot help but make you feel sad for long periods!

Like Keshi, I will open this post up for anonymous comments if you have any questions for me. I will be glad to help. I want us all to be happy, whether in the real world or blogosphere. This is a great place to start. And I hope you make full use of it!

Have a nice day!!

The answer is...

2008-05-01T08:46:00.001-07:00

SPRING!!!!

Most people feel sad during holidays/Christmas when they are alone or do not have the means to celebrate, but they get over it when the season passes. This sadness may not necessarily be DEPRESSION. Not all sadness is depression (which I will talk about in the next post).

Yes there is something called Seasonal Affective Disorder (co-incidentally, the acronym is SAD) which happens only during the winter months. This too is very seasonally based. A lot of us, common people, also experience it. It is quite common, especially in cold places.

However, in the spring, what do you think happens? We all start perking up. Even the ones who were upset about Christmas or the lack of sunshine. Everything around us seems great. Flowers bloom, we walk out in capris, shorts, skirts, and t-shirts, and we start enjoying the outdoors. Those who have been chronically depressed or are suffering from a Major Depressive Episode, will NOT feel better despite the fact that its so great outside.

Consequently, they begin to feel isolated, alone, and confused. They have no reason to attribute to their depression. That is when the suicide rates go up.

Makes sense? I hope it does!! Any reactions?

Trivia

2008-04-23T16:37:00.001-07:00

Do you know which part of the year depressed people feel the most suicidal??

A Typical Day In My Life

2008-03-26T18:59:00.000-07:00

Here goes...a typical day in my life since I started with my doctoral degree in psychology. However, bear in mind, that every day looks very different. Its just that the schedule remains the same!

I am picking a day from my 3rd year (Its a 5-year program and am currently in my 4th year)

7:45 am: Wake up, snooze, whine, drag self out of bed, get dressed.

8:15: Rush out in a hurry, speed to class (10 miles away)

8:30-11:30: Class that I try not to sleep in.

11:30: Meet with advisor or whatever or whoever or just hurry out before advisor catches you to ask you about your progress on dissertation.

11:45: Reach home, pack a diet coke, string cheese, crackers, cereal bar, chocolate, and whatever else you can set your hands on.

12:00 pm: Either walk to work (if on campus) or rush out again and speed to practicum (15 miles away). I used to call my practicum clinic " factory" because it made me slog!

12:30 pm-8:00 pm: Work, work, work, work, see time, sigh, eat, work, work, text message, work.

8:30: Come home, go to the kitchen to either find nothing cooked or something disgusting on the gas stove, put noodles to cook, change, eat.

9:00: study, study, talk on the phone, study, study, cry.

2:00 am: fall asleep instantly as soon as lights are off.

Its not easy taking 15 credits, working 36 hours, working on your thesis, studying for qualifiers, having crazy roommates, be sleep-deprived, live like a pauper, avoiding your advisor at any given time, and all that jazz.

And yet, all that I have to think about during these times is...

In July 2009, I will be DR. SOLITAIRE!!!! :)

Ignorance is Bliss

2008-03-25T15:51:00.001-07:00

Maybe sometimes. I was happy when I was ignorant about what it would take to become a psychologist. And now I think I was stupid!

Of course, I knew I needed a Bachelors in Psychology, and a Master's degree too.

But when I came to the United States, I realized that was NOT ENOUGH.
I earned my Master's degree in Clinical Psychology from Michigan, which is one of the few states that allows Masters-Level Psychologists. But in order to practice, I needed to work 1000 hours to get a TLLP (Temp Limited License), thereafter work 2000 hours to get an LLP (Limited License in Psychology) only to realize that this license will never allow me to practice independently, without supervision.

So I decided to pursue a doctoral degree (and you guys already know about the psy.d/ph.d distinction). In this program, I realized that after I graduate, I have to work 2000 hours (oh no..not again) before I can take a licensing exam. This exam varies from state to state. Some have a written exam, while some also add an oral component to it. I also need to take a national licensing exam. And once I pass these exams (pass rate is 70%), I can be a fully-licensed psychologist!!

That's not all! Over and above that, we have to earn 6 continuing education credits each year.

WHY OH WHY!!!!! Maybe I should have stuck to my dream of becoming a teacher.....

Does the child in TZP need the help of a psychologist?

2008-03-18T21:58:00.000-07:00

YES!! and YES!!

Psychologists deal with emotional problems-TRUE!!

But how do you think that a child will be diagnosed with a learning disability such as dyslexia, disorder of written expression, math disorder, (yes all these do exist!), mental retardation, or ADHD?Not everyone has an Aamir Khan working in their school to recognize that a child is any of the above. Morever, even if they did, that is no way of labeling a child with certainty!

The truth is that there are several (thousands and thousands) of tests that will aid in the process and help a clinician come to that conclusion. Yes! It is ONLY a clinician or a psychologist that is allowed to administer these tests, not a teacher, not a parent, not a neighbor or a layman, NOT the internet, either.

Some of these tests including the Wechsler Intelligence Scale for Children and the Woodcock Johnson Test of Achievement. It takes hours to administer the test, there are set protocols for doing so, the tests are normed for certain population through standardized procedures, and only people with certain credentials (read psychologists) are allowed to administer, score, and write up reports on the results.

Moreover, the psychologist will work with the parents on extending their support and giving them pointers on how to help their child and accelerate his/her progress. Apart from that, the psychologist will also work with the school and teachers on recommending some special services and accommodations for the child so that he/she can perform to the best of their ability despite their weakness. And last of all, the psychologist may choose to work with the child on their self esteem!!

Cutting a long story short...the child in TZP needs the help of a psychologist. I would not have minded helping him as long as Aamir Khan had continued to be his teacher!

Privacy

2008-03-15T01:07:00.000-07:00

One of the many woes of a psychologist is the ethical responsibility of confidentiality. Even though, I am protecting my client's identity on my posts, I still am uncomfortable at the thought of a client reading my blog and realizing its about him/her.

Therefore, this blog is going private on MARCH 20, 2008!

Those who want to continue reading this blog, please send me your email addresses.

Thanks!!
Solitaire

Is it ok to publish your email addresses in the comments section?

Appreciation

2008-03-13T10:41:00.000-07:00

One of the many woes of a psychologist is the "lack of appreciation".

Granted that we are in a "non-profit" industry, sometimes barely making enough to make ends meet (contrary to popular belief that psychologists mint money). But sometimes, when we come home from a long day, listening to people's messed-up life stories, their pain, their losses, their insecurities, their frustrations, we need someone to tell us,

"You did a good job".

I get this message from my client when he or she says,

"I think I am feeling much better now and do not need to come in anymore."

This message sometimes takes days, more often, months to come to me. The biggest reinforcement for a psychologist comes from the fact that their patient visibly looks different, expresses greater satisfaction with life, and is able to deal with daily stressors without any assistance after having expressed at some point that life is not worth living amidst tears.

It helps when someone appreciates your hard work and the efforts you put in bringing your patient to that point in their life. It also helps when people do not criticize you for being a psychologist and avoid you like plaque for fear that you will analyze their life story to shreds. This appreciation has come to me through this blog.

You say thank you for writing this blog and giving you a perspective that you did not give close attention to in the past. I say thank you for giving me the appreciation that boosts me to work harder in this industry. We share a symbiotic relationship.

A special thanks to Keshi who announced her appreciation (and almost got me out of business through the first part of her post) on her blog. Good things come in small packages, I guess. And when unexpected, they create joy which know no bounds.

Thank you all!!!!

All Day Long...

2008-03-01T23:04:00.000-08:00

"Don't you go crazy listening to people's problems all day long?"

I get this question all the time.

In the beginning, my answer was yes. I constantly worried about my clients after I had gone home. And I would constantly dread seeing them again because I was sure that my mind would shut down the moment they started talking about their abusive husband, spoilt children, unfair teachers, disloyal friend, and their singlehood. That was the beginning.

Gradually, I learned how to zone them out the moment they stepped out of the office. In fact, I also used to tell my friend jokingly, "I work in a factory!" because I felt like I was producing a new item every hour, one after the other, relentlessly, without any breaks, as clients walked in on time and stepped out exactly 5o minutes later, giving me enough time to write up a progress note and briefly glance over the next person's file.

The problem begins when I drag myself home exhausted and then start getting calls, "I need to talk to you urgently. I had a fight with my boyfriend." or an offliner on yahoo saying, ":( I need free therapy", or worse still, a long email which can be made into a book chapter about how heartbroken my friend is. These are the things that I have not learned to zone out from. Because no matter what, there are more emotions attached when a loved one or a friend is in distress. But when these distresses clearly become a figment of their imagination because free psychotherapy is easily available (long after the problem has been resolved), my emotions change from genuine concern to nonchalance, and ultimately, annoyance.

So how do I do it all day long? The 9 am to 5 pm is the easiest part. It is the rest of the day that becomes challenging. After all, who likes working overtime without being paid or without any appreciation or without getting a break?

P.S: Now I know why I should not call a doctor friend after hours if something can wait until next morning.
And now I understand why my uncle who worked as an engineer in the electricity company hated getting complaints in the middle of the night.

I Am Only Human

2008-02-28T05:50:00.000-08:00

Thank you Willheim for pointing out that psychologists are human beings too.

When it comes to healthcare, we (or at least I) tend to put doctors on a pedestal. There have often been times when my mother has advised me to eat something while I have a fever and I retorted back to her saying, "Doctor has not said anything about eating that!".

Now more and more people are doing that with shrinks. It is not surprising though. When people (especially the first-timers) make that decision to go see a professional for help, its usually after they have tried all else and failed, They then begin to think that only a professional can solve their problems without realizing that they cannot and can only assist people in doing so.

Moreover, people have misconceptions about the things we can do to ourselves!

When I was a victim of identity theft three years ago, and lost a lot of money, I was experiencing rage and sadness. A friend tells me,

"Come on, you have studied psychology so much. Can't you handle yourself?"
Uh no....! I lost some money and feel cheated. Its a hard time!

When I made a mistake about choosing a certain relationship, I was told,

"How come YOU made that mistake of all the people? Surely you knew better!"
Umm...actually not! I do not read people's minds and do not know what their intentions are.

And then my personal favorite (being sarcastic here),

"You counsel so many people. Why can't you counsel yourself?"
Sure! Sounds like a great idea! I will cry one minute on one chair, and then jump onto the other chair and start talking sense with a calm demeanor.

The truth is that when we are in sensitive situations ourselves, no matter what our profession, we are not able to be neutral, nonjudgmental, and clear in our minds. You can read another example of this in an excellent story that Ceedy wrote about a doctor and his family member.

Its funny how people think that because I am a psychologist, I know a lot about teaching, babysitting, nutrition, etc..
So I get asked questions like,

"How can I teach my child to read?"
mmmmm..Maybe ask your child's teacher??

"What kind of a babysitter should I pick for my child?"
Common sense tells me someone you and your child are comfortable with?

"What should I feed my child for better memory?"
My grandmother used to say almonds, so almonds.

The funniest part about all this is that I am not even a child psychologist! But apparently, I am a genius who knows everything about every population. Just like you would go to a gynaecologist if you have kidney stones??

The woe of being a psychologist is that people think you are not entitled to the normal emotions that a human being experience. The truth is, I am a cry baby.

Poll Results & More Questions

2008-02-26T19:17:00.000-08:00

I was very sad (but not surprised) to see the results of the poll I had put up on "Short and Sweet" a few weeks ago.

The question was:

If you were suffering from some emotional difficulties, would you go see a counselor?

Yes most definitely! I would like to talk to an expert about it: 6 responses

No, I do not like to talk about my problems with anyone: 1 response

Yes, but only if I know the person: 2 responses

No! I am not crazy!!!: 7 responses

I don't know. I never thought about it: 1 response

As I followed the poll for several days, the trend was for the maximum responses to be "No I am not crazy" while the first option was chosen only in the last few days.

I would like to know from you, the readers of this blog....

1) Do you still feel like only crazy people go to counselors?
2) Has your perspective changed even a bit after reading some of the posts here?
3) Would you go see someone if you experience rocky paths in your life and feel like you cannot handle it on your own?
4) Would you be ashamed about it and keep it a hidden fact from your family and friends?
5) Would you recommend someone to go see a professional if you feel they need the help?

Your honesty is appreciated!

The Truth

2008-02-24T20:42:00.000-08:00

Thank you for the strong response to the previous question.

Some of you were a bit off track while some of you were right on target!!

It is very troubling to know that people still believe that its only those who suffer from schizophrenia, personality disorders, suicidal thoughts, and emotionally "unstable" people need to go see a psychologist, or that only those who have no family or friends to solve their problems will benefit from therapy (or "counseling" to reduce the negative connotation that the word therapy holds).

Some responses also suggested that the common belief is that the psychologist will solve your problems or will be the "know-all". This response is inaccurate, sadly. And also puts us on a pedestal. We do not do much hand-holding. We provide all the support that we can in helping you come to a decision when facing a conflict or putting light on the pros and cons of the solutions to your problems. However, we do not do the work for you. In therapy, you have to work hard yourself!!

Here is a list of some of the problems that I have helped people with in recent times.

Helping my client...

Figure out if he is gay or straight.
Build social skills to maintain a romantic relationship.
Get over her grandmother's loss to death.
Maintain a healthy lifestyle to increase her weight.
Build her low self-esteem.
Get over her addiction to eating toilet paper.
Manage her ADHD.
Get over his panic attacks.
With his academic problems including poor motivation.
Fight his suicidal thoughts and overcome them.
Have a smooth transition into college from high school.
Deal with homesickness.
Resolve family conflicts and improve familial relationships.
Rebuild trust after having been cheated on.
Connect to the community resources such as the doctor's office after fearing he had contracted an STD.
Adjust to the United States

And many many more......................including feelings of sadness, guilt, overwhelming anxiety, phobia, job-related stress, post-traumatic stress, alcohol addiction....

Of all the people above, no one can be labeled crazy or mentally unstable, at least not in American terms. But I am sure in India they will be. And plus, the stereotype that I get to hear everytime I tell people about my profession is

"Oh you will make a lot of money. People in America are crazy".

Of all the problems listed above, how many can you identify with? I am sure, at least one.
Let's be fair. If the people listed above are crazy, are you not one of them too?

Question For You!

2008-02-21T21:54:00.000-08:00

I have a question for all of you before I proceed to my next write-up.

According to all of you, what kind of people normally would go to see a psychologist?

In other words, what are the problems that usually make people go see a shrink?

Awaiting your responses in my comments section and will respond to your comments with a new post!

Thanks!

Psy.D vs. Ph.D in Clinical Psychology

2008-02-20T19:18:00.000-08:00

Ok, I lied in my last post. I don't have a Ph.D. I am on my way to getting a Psy.D.

Uh no..not SIDEY..its Psy.D=Doctor of Psychology.

Yes, there is such a thing. I am not making it up. I still qualify to being a false doctor.

What's the difference between a Ph.D and a Psy.D, you may ask, as do the millions who drop their jaws when I tell them what I am doing, and wait for the answer before they run for the door.

This difference is basic. A Ph.D degree is more focused on research, publications, and collection of data while a Psy.D degree is more focused on field experiences, intensive practicum, and lots of real patients before we graduate.

So which one is better? Go figure. I personally feel that Psy.D's can do more justice to you because they have had the real experiences as opposed to bookish or theoretical knowledge, while under supervision. But that is my own personal bias.

Most states in the United States do not give the title of a "psychologist" to anyone who does not have a doctorate degree and the appropriate license to practice (which is a whole new story). So if there is someone who has a Master's degree and poses to be a psychologist, they are probably fooling you or ripping you off! So beware!!!

Why so much education for someone who just sits on their butt and listens to people drone? Because we are dealing with real lives here. Real people. It is no joke.

So if you have taken a psychology 101 class in your undergraduate coursework, please refrain from doing "psychoanalysis" on other people. That is one of my pet peeves. And then I wonder, "If I could do psychoanalysis by taking one class, what the heck am I doing in this "sidey" program for 5 freaking years only to be paid a measly $60,000 a year?"

GROAN!

Psychologist vs Psychiatrist?

2008-02-19T19:39:00.000-08:00

A very common question, this is posed to me, at least once a month if not more, ever since I got into the field.

The difference is basic.

Psychiatrists prescribe medication and are able to perform surgeries if needed. And in order to do that, they require a degree in medicine. This is a plain explanation in layman's terms. And when people hear this, they usually say, "Oh that means all that you (psychologists) do is talk! And you are not a real doctor". Never said I was. The Ph.D makes me a false doctor.

In the beginning, I was patient (no pun intended) enough to explain that the talking that they think happens in there is not really saying "I understand" at the end of every sentence that the client utters. There are techniques to it, there are certain theories to be followed, some systems and protocols in place, and not just a blah blah session. Oh well, these days, I only heave out huge sighs of frustration in my head and manage to control all my aggressive instincts.

Ok ya..so basically, psychiatrists prescribe and we talk, or rather listen.

Contrary to popular notion, there are no couches in there, no one is lying down, no one is being hypnotized, and no one is reading the other's mind. This used to happen centuries ago. Not anymore.

After this conversation follows a burst of laughter, giggles, guffaws, and one sentence,

"I am going to be your first patient". This seems to be a much coveted position. THE FIRST PATIENT.

Sorry my friend, that privilege has been given to someone else. You see, I have had several "first patient" offers already. Sadly, I also had my first patient several years ago. Better luck next time!

When The Journey Began

2008-02-19T07:55:00.000-08:00

When I decided to become a psychologist (in elementary school), I was surely in la-la-land. I thought it would be fun to solve people's problems and envisioned myself to be the agony aunt of the whole world. I basked in imagined glory and felt proud of things that I thought I would do but had not yet done.

And then, a few years later, my bubble broke. When I started doing my bachelors in psychology, people would ask me,

"Are you reading my mind?"
"Are you analyzing me?"
"Can you tell me what I am thinking?"

And the worst, "I need to talk to you" in a hushed tone suggesting someone in dire need of help and forming beads of perspiration on my forehead. All this from someone who had not even graduated with a degree!!

It never got better. You would think that with the advent of Star TV and what not, people would become more aware of what psychology is all about and what psychologists actually do. Much to my chagrin, people continued to bask in the disillusions that I had when I was a child.

And like a brave soul, I thought I would fight it all. I still am. And in this blog, you will read about all my fights! Some funny, some eye-opening, some disgusting, and some just plain stories.

Come back for more!